Even when it looks to others as though you are on the brink of great success or have at least achieved something significant…there is always so much more to the story. It was always my intention to not use this book as a religious or political platform. I felt this was important in order to not exclude anyone from my potential audience. With that said here is where I am at.

This journey has been hard, harder than anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. At times I feel like I’m beating my head against the wall…frustrated. Why can’t I get a break? I know I’m doing the right thing. I know I’m doing my absolute best and working my absolute hardest…so why?

I could go on and on about the hurdles, the obstacles, the opposition that at times doesn’t even make sense. I could curl up in a ball… truth be told I did…all morning, and cry…teetering between despair and courage. We’ve lost everything in order to do this and invested what we don’t have…I’ve never questioned it. I just did what my heart and my instincts compelled me to do. I’ve tried not to show fear. I’ve tried to convey conviction that cannot be rattled. The truth is I am afraid. I did not foresee the crushing landscape of a grossly failing economy when I dreamt my dream. I dreamt a dream of conquering…good over evil. My dream hasn’t changed even in the stark presence of an unexpected shadow.

As I sit here right now uncurled from my ball of despair and fear I realize that my original commitment to stay neutral in regard to religion must be broken. I am a Christian…it’s what I believe. In my effort to be so genuinely inclusive I have excluded for myself the very thing I need to lean on…the very thing I need to cling to…the very thing that will get me through the dark and help me to reach my dream and conquer the evil. God, I am sorry. Yes I’m talking to you “GOD” my God. This is “my truth” and I cannot be neutral about it. For me to succeed at what I believe I was put here to do, I need the help of the one who put me here to do it. This simple fact…”my truth”…doesn’t change the issues or the needs…it just changes me and helps me choose courage over despair. It gives me the freedom to say ‘Please God, I cannot do it alone, I need you….I need you now.”

Peace-Freedom-Equality-Hope

Caryn West